Sponsors clamber for Early Ooters

Sponsors rush to back Early Ooters in the Laxative League

Paul - SJFA
Davie - Guide Dogs for the Deaf
Peter - Confused.com
Robert - Mosset Tourist Board
Johnny - Performing Rights Society
Alan - Killit Bang
Jimmy - Noel Harrison (in memory of his big 60's hit)
Allan - Stannah Stairlifts
Holly - Guide Dogs for the Wandered
Rex - Age Concern (Dollar)
Ian - British Bakeries
Ronnie - Portaloo


'Laxative League now shit shape'

Teams from near and far have committed themselves (some say have been
committed) to the new League.
TV rights were to be have been provided by Setanta but the paperwork
was never completed.
(Well seen that teachers were involved).
This now confirms once and for all that there ain't no Setanta Clause.


AC/DC Milan - the Italian giants have been promised new frocks for the
opening ceremony.

Ayr Town Senna - this lot are so quick off the mark that they leave
skid marks all over the place

CSKA Moscow - coming from a small village these boys did well to
qualify for the Eurology Cup, UEFa's new trophy for the over 55's.

Patna Back Juniors - well done to the boys for being able to wheel
themselves on to the park for every game

Pro State Dribblers - previous winners of the Catheter Cup, they are
well respected by their peers

Craigmark Burntonians - composed (maybe even composted) by those who
couldn't remember that you press your pants before putting them on

Dailly Doses - another local outfit who are sponsored by the makers of
Viagra. They will be hard nuts to crack

FC Porter - this Portuguese ladies team are the only squad to wear knee
pads as well as shin pads. Get a lot of doggies abuse.

Sanquhar (Without Trace) Rovers - Team of former submariners who are
very used to each other's company. The lads have gone from living in
metal tubes to surviving in iron lungs.

Maidens United - the second ladies team to grace the league. In the
unlikely event that they score a goal, the scorer celebrates by doing
three zimmersaults

Early Shooters - spectators need to come early to see this team in
action

Fartick Pissle - gloriously won the Incontinental Cup sponsored by
Goodyear Rubber. Blew the opposition away

Cardiac City - produced some heart - stopping moments when bypassing
Glasgow strangers to qualify for the tournament. Have been in the
transplant, sorry, transfer, market looking for new blood.

Paris Amyerman - Recently won 'France's got talent', but not for their
footballing prowess. Less likely to score than Susan Boyle.

Bayern Munchkin - coached by the Wizard of Oz (WCP gets everywhere)
this small outfit benefited from the introduction of some fruity South
Africans. The Merlot the Merrier is the team's motto.