'If the cap fits, ...'

Davie had lost his walkin' bunnet
The story was like a guid whodunnit
Wee Davie was the man who eventually funnit
In a raffle it was thought that he had won it

So on the ferry Wee Davie did wear it
The bunnet and him were truly marrit
The tension was such we couldnae bear it
How long would it take for Davie to snare it

We couldnae haud our laughter nae mair
'D'ye like Davie's hat,' we ventured with care
'Mine and it could be a matchin' pair,
I've lost ma hat and it's just no fair'

Tears of laughter doon oor faces did run
Davie couldnae see the source of oor fun
He must have thought his flies were undone
Or that we a' had a doze of the sun

And then it dawned, the penny had fell
'Is that ma hat', he offered a yell
'Ah hope you get your reward in hell'
The look on his face was one you could sell

As a bit of a wheeze, how low could we sink?
How long would it take, if you'd like to think
For Davie to spot that wi' a nod and a wink
We a' turned up wi shirts in striped pink