The Ballad of Old Mosset

And at his elbow, Ooter Johnie*
His ancient, trusty, drouthy cronie

*aka faither, keeper of the purse, President of the Society for the Preservation of Crisps, Davie

The Ballad of Old Mosset

Up and out at the crack of dawn
To get the flight to Carcassonne
Hired cars were our travelling mode
Then down the road to Robert’s abode

Chorus

Whilst Allan toiled at the kitchen sink
And Colin cut up a fusty link
As Johnny poured wi’ a nod and a wink
Davie was shoutin’, ‘Where’s ma drink?’

After the meal it was early to bed
All were tired, it has to be said
Up in the morning and after some talk
Out the door and off for our walk

Roussillon was the choice for today
A guid, long walk, once we found our way
The horse we met was once a winner
Tonight it might be an equine dinner

A coastal walk was termed as easy
But the ups and doons ver’ made us queasy
Rex sped off, was he losing his mojo?
For he left behind Mr Tojo

He wanted so dearly to buy a lunch
But not today with this motley bunch
Let’s have a vote, he wanted to call it
But Johnny didnae open the wallet

After the meal the drink did flow
Inhibitions soon began to go
The songs were sung with lots of passion
Davie’s wine was not on ration


Then he ignored his mighty drouth
And shoved Colin’s organ in his mooth
Much to the surprise of a’ aroon
He gave it a blaw and got a tune

And Colin couldnae hide his pleasure
For he had brought another treasure
Wan mair mouthie in a different key
Whit a duet this would be

As Jimmy recited the ‘Wee Cock Sparra’
Davie did sink, fartha and fartha
He fell asleep after the Lady in Red
Then Robert roused him, twas time for bed

The surprise of the night was Ian Hill
Next time he’ll be the top of the bill
Wi’ songs he learned in the Brigade o’ Boys
And a leg that stomped wi’ hunners o’ noise

Davie came doon, the hour was late
Feeling rough ‘It was something ah ate’
He couldnae remember the night before
His antics would become Ooter folklore

The day was dull wi’ a lot of haar
Davie announced ‘We’re no gaun far!’
We followed the valley of the Castellane
And honoured his plea of ‘Lea’s alane’

Two days after Davie got fu’
Colin took Ronnie up the Canigou
Ronnie was sare but filled wi’ glee
It’s great what you can dae in a 2C.V.

The Col de Mantet was a three star walk
Even Allan, at this, didnae baulk
The weather was super, the views were stunning
The talk was not of Munn and Dunning

Now Johnny is a man of some great power
But couldnae fathom how to get a hot shower
He didnae wash for nearly a week
By that time he was Johnny the Reek

He thought it all was a dastardly plot
And blamed us all for the shower he got
The plan we hatched was, ‘Wait ‘til he’s in’
And then make sure the watter’s freezin’

A nice wee walk to a waterfall
A gorge to be enjoyed by one and all
Then lunch at a café in Verners les Bains
The pizzas were thin and not deep pan

Doon from the abbey big Ron met a pal
Didn’t know her name, but thought it was Sal
She’d been on the climb the other day
Hadn’t managed to make it all the way

The girl from NZ announced with a shrill
Back home you’re a legend for climbing that hill
She hugged and kissed him and tried not to weep
‘Come home with me and service my sheep’

Johnny told Jimmy to look at the burds
He took off his glasses, too silly for words
We looked to the skies, craning our necks
Then Jimmy walked off, forgetting his specs

The Mosset Trophy was keenly contested
The boules were thrown and the skills were tested
But Ian’s practice was seen in his throw
He won it again, two years in a row

Early in the day we left our lair
To make our date with Ryanair
The pilot caused some consternation
‘Welcome to this flight to – our destination’

Safely back home, time to reminisce
Of wonderful walks and taking the piss
Before we break doon and start to sob
We have to say ‘Thank you, oor Bob!’